Migrated

Hi all,

I’ve migrated my blog to another server, and will be updating there from now onwards. You can visit the new site at www.nataliesia.com 

🙂

Shorter awkward moment

Two weekends ago, the hubby and I met Billy Simpson, the winner of the first season of The Voice Indonesia. He’s a very talented and humble person, and he came all the way to perform and share his testimony in my church. Over lunch, we got to meet his family as well.

The hubby made an interesting observation – once you have a kid, older parents kinda talk to you with a different sense of respect. OK imagine this: when you were a college student, your friend’s parents would treat you like a kid. Then you start work, and they acknowledge that you are now an adult. Then you get married, and they begin to treat you like a responsible adult. And then you have a baby, and suddenly they include you in their “peer group” and start taking you very seriously.

Anyway. That wasn’t my point, but it kinda leads me to what I want to say. So during lunch, we met the parents, and we had Amy with us. Billy’s mom came over to me after our meal and started the standard “parent-to-parent” or “mom-to-mom” conversation (that tends to happen now whenever I’m with mothers or parents, and which I’m beginning to enjoy very much!).

While talking about Amy, she also asked if Amy was our first baby. This is the first time since Amy’s birth that we had to answer that question.

It is very tempting to now keep our focus on Amy, and pretend that Alexa was just a bad dream. But we know it is not.

It is also very tempting to keep Alexa a secret from strangers. After all, we now can focus on Amy and we don’t have to go through the “awkward moment” any more. But we know we shouldn’t.

And so, we directly told Billy’s mom that Amy is our second daughter, and that we lost our first one.

This incident reminded me that Alexa has been and will always be such a big part of us. Without her, there would be no Enyi Enterprise, no BrickPlay, and actually, no Amy.

The good part is that the awkward moment is now shorter, because we can immediately redirect our focus to Amy haha.

Winging it

Amy is now two months old!

This is the time when most mothers would go back to work and send their babies to daycare. A year ago, that was exactly what I planned to do with Alexa, as I was still working at BFM. But now, I’m so thankful that I still get to spend a lot of time with Amy at home. #thankGodforflexiownbusiness

Speaking of own business, BrickPlay was featured on The Edge last weekend. 🙂 The hubby was interviewed, and he shared about the beginning of Enyi Enterprise. Without Alexa, there wouldn’t have been Enyi Enterprise. Without Enyi Enterprise, there wouldn’t have been Alexa’s Playground, and there wouldn’t have been BrickPlay.

By the way, besides our store at Paradigm Mall, you can now visit us at Subang Airport! Plug: Pick up a set of LEGO before / after you fly!

As much as I’m enjoying my own business right now, a part of me still wonders if I should go back to media, not for any reason other than that I really miss being in the media world. But perhaps once I come out of my “maternity leave” (the hubby has been asking me when I want to resume working :P), I would be busy again and won’t have time to think about going back to the media world.

On another note, I can’t believe I am who I am, where I am today. I still remember when I was just 16 years old, so full of dreams and so naive, in a good way :P.

Now, I am married, I have one daughter in heaven and one daughter in my arms, I own a business, and I am in my late 20s!

Sometimes I still feel like that 16-year-old, though a bit more self-assured and confident, and taking life more easily. But I am still very much aware of how much I do not know. In fact, what I am learning is that motherhood (and life) is sometimes all about winging it and going with the flow and trying things out. You never know what is right or wrong until you choose and decide and just do it.

What they didn’t tell me about motherhood

I love being Amy’s mother. Especially after losing Alexa, now I thank God every day for giving me the opportunity to have and hold and raise Amy up. When I was pregnant with Amy, I knew that I would be willing to do and sacrifice a lot just to have her grow healthily. Still, there were some things that I wasn’t prepared for in motherhood.

Here are some of the things they didn’t tell me about motherhood:

1. That I wouldn’t know what to do with Amy during the first few days after birth

I was overwhelmed with gratefulness and joy that Amy was finally out of my womb, alive and well, kicking and screaming. But I didn’t know what to do. All I did was stare at her and be amazed. I was waiting for that instant connection, that instant bond and instant familiarity. But it didn’t come. t didn’t know how to hold her, I didn’t know how to bond with her, I didn’t know what her crying meant, I didn’t know how to comfort her. Until today, I am still learning.

2. That I would be checking on her every 5 seconds to make sure she was breathing

The first few nights that Amy was home, I couldn’t sleep at all. I would keep on checking on her to make sure she was not suffocating or choking. Ultimately, I resorted to sleeping with her in my arms, or with her right beside me on my bed (this despite the fact that her cot is beside my bed). Luckily I grew out of that after a few days, and now she’s happily settled in her own cot, and I am able to sleep too.

3. That when they said new parents won’t get to sleep, they really meant that we won’t get to sleep

I’ve always been a person who needs her beauty sleep. 9 hours of sleep at night were minimum. But with Amy, I quickly found out that 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night were a luxury. And this will go on till foreverrrrrr (at least it feels like that).

4. That I would learn to multi-task and do everything quickly

Changing diaper has to be within 30 seconds. Bathing her has to be within 5-10 minutes. Washing the breast pump parts has to take 5 minutes. Showering myself has to be 5 minutes. Eating, no, I mean swallowing food down my throat has to be 5 minutes. Not to mention the 101 things that are always in our to-do now. We used to wonder why our moms had so much to do all the time, and how they had the energy to keep doing things. Well, once you become a mom, you’ll know.

5. That breastfeeding can be a roller-coaster ride

While I was still pregnant with Amy, I already knew that I want to breastfeed her. We now live in a time where everyone is aware of the benefits of breastfeeding, and I wanted to give her the best. At the same time, I was also prepared for the challenges of breastfeeding. Or so I thought. I’m very blessed because Amy was naturally a good latcher, and I didn’t have much problems breastfeeding her. But still there were times when I got so tired physically, and when she kept wanting to nurse, that it was very tempting to give up or perhaps just bottle-feed her the expressed breast milk. But now that it is almost time to train her to be bottle-fed, I find myself feeling emotional that she would not just rely on my breasts for milk. I know. My husband has been rolling his eyes.

6. That Amy would bully me

It seems that she’s the most cranky when she’s with me. Initially I wanted to wail “she hates me”, but a few of my friends have been telling me that it’s quite normal – mummies get to see the worst side of their babies. Perhaps because they know that they can get away with anything with mummy.

7. That buying things for her would be so fun

Shopping for myself is fun, but now I find myself devoting a good amount of time looking at baby stuff. Buying her clothes is always the most fun (just look at that adorable romper and dress and socks and jacket and and and…), but I also am on the lookout for anything and everything that she needs – toys, nappies, washcloths, etc. Products that would either make things more organised or convenient or just cooler are also a bonus.

8. That I would feel so very helpless and inadequate

So many times especially during the first few weeks, I felt like such a horrible mom. I even questioned if I am fit to be a mother, looking at how lost I felt in terms of caring for this baby. Even simple tasks such as cleaning her up or changing her clothes could cause her to scream and cry, and when she screamed and cried, it made me feel so bad, that I would also cry (but not scream). Now I’ve learned to take it a little easier, but sometimes I would still have little crying episodes…

9. That there would be high tension between husband and wife

I always thought that having a child, especially after going through what we did, would cause the hubby and I to be extra close and loving and everything else that you see in Hollywood movies. But it didn’t. There were moments when things were tense between us, and it could be over really small things. Or sometimes it could be due to changed expectations, or even resistance to change. But after talking to a few people, I realise that this is normal. Having a child changes everything, and both mummy and daddy need time to adapt – not just to the child, but to the different priorities and roles in the family and to each other.

10. That I would sometimes wish I could have a break, and then feel so guilty for thinking that

I went through an emotionally hellish ride to have Amy, so I should cherish every moment with her, right? Then why do I sometimes wish that I could chuck her to my mother-in-law or a nanny so that I can have time to myself? And right when I think that, I would feel so guilty I feel like digging a hole for myself. At the same time, I can’t imagine spending time without her with me now. The thought of sending her to a daycare centre makes me feel a little … sad.

11. That I would subconsciously try to plan my world around her, but that should not be the way

While I was still pregnant with Alexa, I went for this prenatal class where the midwife told us the importance of not rearranging our world and universe around our baby. Instead, we should introduce our baby to our world and universe. The hubby and I thoroughly agree with that, because we feel that it is not right to lose ourselves once the baby arrives. It won’t be healthy for me, for my relationship with the hubby, and for the baby herself. However, once baby Amy came, I realise the temptation to build my life around her is very real. And so, I have to consciously ensure that I don’t do that. Putting her as my priority, yes. Making sure I do everything for her benefit, yes. But building my universe totally around her, no.

12. That I would constantly be in a state of disbelief that this tiny little human came out from me

Until now, I look at Amy and I can’t believe that I had her within me for 10 months. I’m still amazed that the little fetus that jabbed and kicked my belly is now out and in my arms. And she is now so big. And she will keep growing bigger. And soon she will be a beautiful young woman, out to change the world. And she came from my belly.

13. That I would have this indescribable, overwhelming sense of love for her

No matter how tired or frustrated she might cause me to be, just looking at her smile or sleep in peace would make me feel on top of the world. Her tiniest milestones would make me swell with pride, and every night I would exclaim to my husband, “I love Amy!”

14. That I would have such hopes and dreams for her, and the desire for her happiness and success is stronger than for my own

Before this, I was a girl who always had dreams to achieve. I was always concerned about whether or not I would be able to do what I want to do and live the life I want to live. Now, I’m a mother who seeks to leave a good legacy behind, and who prays for Amy to be able to do what she wants to do, achieve the dreams she has and live the life she wants to live.

I think my list will keep growing, as my journey of motherhood continues. She’s almost two months now, and I believe I’ll be entering into a new phase of fun and joy with her. 🙂

Of fat cheeks, natural beauty, and kindness

Amy is getting fatter and heavier by the day! Everyone who sees her would never fail to comment on her humongous cheeks.

Her nails are also growing faster than I can say “fingernails”. We used to want to protect her from her own nails, but now we have to protect ourselves! I have fallen victim so many times to her sharp claws, I’m beginning to worry about scars on my face.

Since I was pregnant with her, I’ve been praying every day that she would be a happy and secure baby. So far though, she has been a feisty, stubborn and grumpy baby. Well! I just have to pray harder!!

In the world we live in today, appearance is sometimes almost everything. We are attracted to pretty stuff, whether it’s people, or food, or places, or fashion. It’s natural. And I always feel that as girls, we get the fun part of being able to put on makeup and dress up. But of course, there is always that tendency to go overboard, and for girls to feel that they have to hide behind looking good.

Now that I have a daughter (omg I suddenly feel so old saying that), I hope to teach her the art of looking good. Yet, I want her to remember the beauty of her natural self. We can and should do our part to look nice and presentable (it’s a form of respect to the people around us as well), but not to the extent that we are unable to look at ourselves without makeup.

On another note, I read an article that said parents tend to focus on getting their kids to do well academically, but they fail to encourage them to be kind. I think that is especially true for Asian parents. And so, I have decided not to overly pressure Amy to do well in school (the key word is overly), but to always remind her to be kind.

Be kind to the people around her, especially to those who are closest to her, but also to those who may not deserve her kindness.

By the way, I might not be able to update this blog as often at the moment, but I do post up pictures on Instagram all the time. You can find me at @nat2612. I also sometimes update my Dayre, so if you have a Dayre account, you’re welcome to follow me! My username is @nataliesia.

It’s been a full moon

Motherhood is by far the most challenging and tiring yet rewarding role I’ve ever been given. And I’ve only been at it for about 35 days. And actually, sometimes it still hasn’t sunk in that I’m a mother to this wriggly cutie pie.

Every time I look at Amy, I marvel at the responsibility entrusted to parents to raise these little ones. Her development, her health, her habits, her core values, her principles, her perspectives… I hold the biggest influence in shaping them especially during her first few years. What a responsibility. What a privilege.

One month has passed by just like that, and now, the once tiny Amy is 4.06kg! According to my family and friends, she’s also very good in bullying me, especially when it comes to demanding for comfort nursing.

There are so many expert advices and well-intentioned suggestions, but seriously, I think after awhile all parents want to do is survive find what works for them and their own child. So, I have learned not to judge other parents. You might not think what they’re doing is the best, but then again, you do not have their children and you’re not in their shoes. Let’s be kind. (This I say because if Amy turns out to be a little monster, please don’t judge me)

Anyway, we’ve celebrated her full moon!

While planning for her full moon party, the hubby and I kept saying this over and over: finally we are able to have a full moon party.

The last time, we “celebrated” the end of my confinement by running away to the States. But this time, we get to celebrate our little bundle of joy with our families and friends. It’s something I’m always grateful for.

Thank you once again for believing with us and supporting us throughout this journey, and now for celebrating with us. We are truly overwhelmed by your generosity and love for Amy.

My milk journey

My beloved MacBook Air has died on me T.T

Is it its protest over being overlooked this month? Hmmph. Anyway.

Breastfeeding is such a crazy journey. One minute you could be feeling high and pleased with yourself for feeding your baby well, giving yourself a good pat on the back. The next minute you could be feeling all stressed up and depressed, unsure whether you’re producing enough milk for your baby. Even though baby has been gaining weight healthily so far, there is still that small voice that says, “What if your supply is dropping now and baby is not eating enough?” Or “What if you’re not eating healthily enough to give baby the proper nutrients?”

And it doesn’t help that there are so many different advices when it comes to breastfeeding.

“Direct latch all the way in your first month.” “Start pumping in your first month to boost supply.” “Feed your baby on demand.” “If baby doesn’t wake up for feed every 2-3 hours, you got to wake her.” “Don’t wake your baby when she sleeps; she will wake up for feed when she’s hungry.” “It’s good to have oversupply.” “It’s not good to overproduce milk.” “You should pump out your milk to see how much you’re producing and if baby is having enough.” “Baby will always get more milk than when you pump, because babies are power suckers!”

X.X

It is during times like this that I truly regret missing all the breastfeeding classes before. When I was still in hospital I did ask the lactation consultants lots of questions, and when I came back home, I got a certified midwife to come over to teach and guide me on breastfeeding. But then again, I keep having the feeling like I would never know enough??

Not to mention how sleep-deprived you get while breastfeeding. I direct-latch all the time now, so sometimes it really feels as though I’m at the mercy of my child. Especially these two weeks when she’s going through a growth spurt – she feeds every hour during some parts of the day!

But as my wise friends and family told me, this first month is the hardest and it will get easier. Hopefully Amy settles into her schedule and routine soon. In the mean time, no matter how tiring it gets, at the end of the day, knowing that I’m giving her the best I am able to keeps me going. And of course, seeing her cute face makes it all worth while.

 

In a week’s time, I (and Amy) will be out of our “confinement”! I’m excited and at the same time dreading having to take care of her fully on my own. So many self-doubts in my mind, but I keep reminding myself that this is what all new moms go through, and if they can do it, I can do it!!

I also find myself missing my mother a lot lately. It is true what they say – you only truly appreciate your parents when you become one yourself. I keep wondering how my mother took care of my oldest sister (she and my dad were living in London at that time, so no help whatsoever), and how nice it would be if she was still around. I guess my confinement month would be very different with her.

Oops, baby is protesting. Time to avail myself!

Life with my baby

Yesterday I went for my post-natal checkup. It feels a little bittersweet, because this ends the past 9-month journey of being pregnant with baby Amy. And I am going to miss my gynae a lot a lot a lot. But it feels so good to be able to close this chapter on a happy note this time, with baby Amy safely in my arms.

I still remember my post-natal checkup last year. The hubby and I walked out of the hospital feeling utterly defeated and depressed. The one-year journey that started on a high ended with empty arms and broken hearts. But this time, we have our sweet sweet Amy. Thank You God.

My gynae was impressed with how alert Amy was, and how she was already able to turn her head strongly at 2 weeks old (actually, I feel that she’s been turning her head since the first day!). She also encouraged and commended me for exclusively breastfeeding, and said, “Breastfeeding is not easy at all. It is very hard. Harder than childbirth.”

Hmmm. Well, it is not easy but I don’t think I’ll be so quick to dethrone childbirth! Haha. [The hubby has been asking me if I have forgotten the pain of childbirth and if I’m ready to think of having baby number three. Yes, my reply to him is always “You siao!”]

So, it’s been 18 days since we had baby Amy. The hubby and I had decided against hiring a confinement lady, as I wasn’t keen on having a stranger stay with us, and also because I wash’t planning on following most of the confinement rules (I pretty much broke most of them). Plus, we had thought that we would have help. To cut the story short, we do have help but not as what I had imagined.

That led to an emotional breakdown on the day I came back from the hospital. I looked at little fragile Amy in my arms and suddenly felt so helpless and inadequate. It was like, I fought through 9 months to have this healthy baby and now that I finally have her, I don’t know how to take care of her! There was no miraculous maternal instinct, and no sudden “mother nature”. And there was nobody around to help or guide or teach me!

I had all the worst-case scenarios in my mind. I kept checking on her when she was sleeping to make sure that she wasn’t choking or suffocating. The first few nights I couldn’t sleep, because I just couldn’t keep my eyes away from her. And then she had jaundice and we had to admit her. I cried my eyes out during those two days because I missed her so much and my heart broke seeing her all alone in the phototherapy case.

Thank goodness now I’m less emotional and more calm. Phew.

Part of me can’t wait for baby Amy to grow older faster, so that she is less fragile. But another part of me feels that she is already growing very fast, and I just want to savour every moment, no matter how sleep-deprived and tired I am.

I am constantly amazed by how much faith God has in us, in that He is able to entrust us with these little human beings that don’t come with instruction manuals. I’m nervous, yet excited.

Baby Amy, mama will do my best to give you the best. We are a team. We’ve worked together throughout the pregnancy, and again through the labour and delivery. I know we’ll continue to be a good team. Mama loves you lots!

Hello Baby Amy

It’s been awhile since my last post.

What I’ve never revealed here was that my gynae had set last Wednesday for my induction. I was to be admitted into the labour room at midnight, and be induced for vaginal birth.

I had (not so) secretly been hoping that I would go into labour without the induction, for several reasons: a) it seems better if baby number two came out on her own without being “forced”; b) induction brought back tonnes of memories

When we found out that Alexa had passed away in my womb, I was also induced for vaginal birth. So this time, the day before being admitted into the labour room, I was highly tensed and emotional. I kept thinking about a year ago: the night before I was admitted into the labour room, I was crying my eyes out and praying so hard that Alexa would be alive. When I went to the hospital, I was tired of hoping yet refused to give up believing. When I finally delivered Alexa, the room was quiet – no cries, no screams, no happy “Congratulations”. When I was discharged from the hospital, I went home alone, without my Alexa in my arms. When I reached home, all the baby items had been cleared from visible places and kept in the nursery. My entire confinement was spent with eerie silence and plenty of tears.

These memories kept haunting me last Tuesday. The fact that I felt a little under the weather didn’t help. I was so worried that I would catch a fever right before giving birth and it would cause complications. I spent most of the night at home alone, trying not to think yet my mind refused to let me go.

I listened to the worship song “It Is Well” by Bethel Music again and again that night, and it has become the ‘theme song’ for baby number two. The lyrics spoke so much to me – they reminded me of how God has carried me through the loss of Alexa, how He has been with me throughout my pregnancy with baby number two, and assured me of how He will continue to be with me for the birth and beyond.

Midnight came, and the hubby and I checked ourselves into the hospital. By now I was relatively calmer, and was allowing myself to feel a little bit of the excitement. But I also conveniently remembered the pain that I would have to go through (yikes). The midwife came to check on my dilation, which was about 2-3cm at 12.30am. And then… she asked me to rest! The induction would only start four hours later. The hubby and I were like, er ok… We ended up spending the time watching the TV in the labour room.

At 4am, she came back in to check on my dilation, which was the same, and she started the induction process. IMMEDIATELY (like 2 seconds after that), my contractions shot up both in pain and frequency. By 6am, I was in terrible pain, and I was beginning to feel like I want to pee (when you’re in labour and baby is going down, you would feel like peeing and pooping). The hubby and the midwife convinced me to take the mild pain killer injection – the same one I took before with Alexa – but I told the midwife that I would progress super fast once I take that injection, and that my gynae must be on standby.

She asked me how quickly did I dilate to 10cm after taking the injection the last time, and I told her it was an hour. So right after giving me the jab, she proceeded to prepare everything for the delivery. That was 6.30am, and I was 4cm dilated.

By 7.20am, I told her that I had an urgent need to push! She told me to hang on, that doctor has arrived at the hospital but was still preparing to come up to the labour room. I tried waiting for awhile, and then I told another midwife that I really really really felt like I couldn’t hold it in much longer. That midwife checked me and said I was almost 10cm, just needed to wait for one more contraction for it to be fully opened. That contraction came and gone, and then she said, “Oh, your water bag has not yet burst. Wait ah let me check with doctor if she wants to burst it.”

And I was like, “WHAT! I STILL NEED TO HOLD?!”

Fortunately, she came back to me within seconds and told me that it’s alright to start pushing, because the water bag will burst by its own. Those words were such relief to my ears. And so the pushing began!

It was definitely more difficult and more painful than I remembered. But by the time I was pushing, my doctor was with me, and a few more midwives also came in to cheer me on. Man, it was like having a team of cheerleaders! And it really helped!

After pushing like mad, before I realised it, my team of cheerleaders were congratulating me and baby number two was placed in my arms at 7.45am. I looked at her and marvelled, and all I could say was, “Hello baby.” The hubby said I teared when I looked at baby number two, but all I could remember thinking was, she is alive. Thank You Jesus.

A few seconds later, she screamed and kicked, and the hubby looked at me and said, “She is a screamer. Well, we did pray for her to be kicking and screaming!”

I spent the rest of the day in the ward feeling extremely drowsy and groggy (after-effects of the pain killer injection), but so relieved that baby number two is finally out alive and well. And that we got to go home with this little one. And now my confinement month is filled with sleepless nights and baby cries.

Looking at her little tiny body, I suddenly realised that I have no idea how to take care of this little mini human entrusted to me, but I will do my best. Thank You Father for this beautiful gift. She’s my beloved, my baby Amy.

Thank you all for your constant prayer and support throughout this pregnancy. You all have been cheering me on and believing with me, and it really meant a lot to me. Baby Amy and I are extremely blessed.

—-

Updated: Baby Amy has quite a high level of jaundice. 😦 Yesterday we went to the hospital for her checkup, and the level was 356. She has been admitted to the hospital and is currently undergoing phototherapy. The last we checked, the jaundice level has gone down to 280. Please pray along with me that she will have a speedy recovery. Every second without her at home is painful to my heart, and every time I look at her at the phototherapy case makes me want to cry. 😦

Latest Update: Thank you all for your assurances and prayers. Baby Amy has been discharged and is now home!

Number Two: Week 37

OK the stretch marks that I thought were stretch marks but weren’t sure if they were stretch marks?

It’s confirmed stretch marks.

They have become worse, especially on the left side of my tummy. Maybe it’s because I kept lying down on my left side, so it stretched my left side tummy more? Oh well. It’s not a very nice sight, but if having these stretch marks means baby number two is growing well and healthily, then who cares!

Today started off very excitingly. For the past few days, I’ve been wondering about the “show” that people often talked about as one of the signs of labour. How does it look like? How will I know if it is the “show”? I googled and some articles said it’s the same as the cervical mucus plug, which literally looks like a plug. These articles also said that some women don’t notice them, because they might fall off into the toilet when we pee, or they might only come out during labour itself. So I thought, oh OK.

But this morning, I SAW IT! It was unmistakably and very obviously the cervical mucus plug! I ran out of the toilet telling the hubby, “I’ve got the show!!!!”

Now, yesterday I went for my regular checkup, and my doctor told me that I’m already slightly dilated, with my cervix extremely soft and baby is very low. Which means, baby might come out any time! She also told me that it might happen very fast for me, since my cervix is already so soft.

So when I saw the show this morning, I was excited and elated and nervous! I texted my doctor and asked her if I should go in to the labour room immediately, and she said yes.

I told the hubby we should go to the hospital to check, but he was still trying to stay calm, cool, collected. He was actually planning to take me to the bank to run some last minute important errands and even wanted to bring Ginny along, but I forced him to put Ginny back home and take me to the hospital right away because I didn’t want to give birth at the bank!

Off we went to the hospital and we were so excited about the possibility of having baby number two today. However, when my doctor came to check on me, she said I’m still pretty much the same as yesterday. =.= My contractions are still mild and irregular, and my dilation has not yet increased.

We did a CTG test and baby was healthy and good, so my doctor sent me home. She told me to continue monitoring my contractions, and to go back to the hospital tomorrow morning for another check. According to the hubby, she did say that if I want to induce the baby out now, she can do it, but she would prefer for us to wait for another week if baby doesn’t come out naturally yet.

And so, I’m now home, feeling slightly disappointed because I thought I could hold baby number two in my arms today. But well, I’m still excited because my doctor said my body is at work.

This is the last mile. I spent the last few days preparing the other items for baby number two and packing my hospital bag and it was really quite emotional. There were so many flashbacks and memories that I had to confront and shut off.

Please continue to keep us in prayer, and for baby number two to be born alive and well, healthy and strong, kicking and screaming. Pray for the whole process to be smooth and without complications, and that both baby and I will have quick recovery.

Amen.